WHY PEOPLE MARRY THE WRONG PERSON : ALL UNMARRIEDMUST READ THIS BEFORE MARRIAGE........

Many married people are daily regretting and cursing their
marriages. If you are single, know the reasons why people marry
wrong persons and end their marriages in bitter separations or
live to endure it.
1. YOU FOCUS MORE ON CHEMISTRY THAN ON CHARACTER
Principle: Never marry someone because you’re in love. Falling in
love is a state of temporary psychosis. It is the “delusion of fusion.”
Identify the specific character traits you must have in your spouse
and know clearly how to asses for each one.
Background checks are essential, Be especially careful to check
out the family.
People from warm and loving homes will most likely be
emotionally healthy people.
Chemistry means there is physical and sexual attraction.
Compatibility: Looking for sameness: same backgrounds, culture,
language, interests,politics etc. Temperament types are important
to know.
2. YOU EXPECT HIM OR HER TO CHANGE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED
The question you must ask is, “Can I live with this person the way
he is now and be happy with him?”
Principle: Never marry potential. This implies bad potential. He’s a
chronic smoker and drunkard and says he’ll change for you. This
is bad potential. If he doesn't change you’ll resent him.
3. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTAL NEEDS OF MEN
AND WOMEN
This is all about making sure the male-female energies are in sync.
Men and women each have one core emotional need. Men want
to be respected. Women want to be cherished, which means they
want to be protected, provided for, and guided. The ultimate
prerequisite for a man to get married is that he is ready to take
responsibility. He has to be ready to be a “man.”
4. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHERE YOU'RE
GOING
This means knowing what you stand for in life: Your values,
priorities, and goals.
Ideally you should not be considering marriage until you've
answered life’s most important question: What am I living for?
Two people who have the same life goal have a much greater
chance of growing together and staying together in a deeply
bonded way. A soul mate is a goal mate.
Principle: The more clearly and narrowly we define ourselves, the
better our chance of finding the right person.
Tools: What are we going to build together? What are this person’s
life commitments? What does this person stand for? What is he
passionate about?
5. YOU GET INVOLVED SEXUALLY TOO QUICKLY
Becoming intimate too soon can be self-defeating because it
creates confusion.
• It may create a false sense of commitment and depth.
• It may block you from processing your feelings which is soul-tie
• It may lead to overlooking problems that should not be
overlooked.
6. YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS ABUSIVE
The definition of an abusive relationship is one in which you are
afraid to express your feelings and opinions.
Other indicators:
• You don’t feel emotionally safe.
• You have to monitor what you say.
• You walk on egg shells around this person.
• You don’t feel relaxed and don’t feel you can be yourself.
• The person is demanding, controlling, or communicates with
anger and criticism.
7. YOU DO NOT HAVE A CONSISTENTLY POSITIVE EMOTIONAL
CONNECTION WITH EACH OTHER
A positive emotional connection does not mean you are in love.
Five questions to evaluate if you have a positive emotional
connection:
1. Do I respect and admire this person?
2. Do I trust this person in every way and feel I can rely on his or
her judgment?
3. Do I feel totally safe with this person (like I feel with my best
friend)?
4. Do I truly care about this person and have a desire to give to
him or her?
5. Are we open and honest with each other about our feelings and
opinions?
Your greatest tool for measuring the quality of the relationship is
your feelings.
Principle: Never dismiss anything that bothers you! Process
everything that bothers you.
8. YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE WELL
This is very important: You must be sure before you get married
that the two of you communicate well.
Good communication means:
1. We can talk openly and honestly about our feelings
2. We listen to each other and make it safe for each other to
express ourselves.
3. There is no defensiveness
4. We trust that together we can resolve problems
5. We have confidence in ourselves that we can repair our
breakdowns
6. We work well together; we’re a good team
Principle: You must be able to repair breakdowns 100%, which
means there is no resentment or bad feelings left over.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is to believe that
marriage will heal or fix their deep inner pain. In many cases,
marriage will only make the pain greater and more unbearable!