Important Things to Recognize as Your Relationship Grows are:Relationships Change.

AS THE MONTHS GO BY:

Changes in life outside your relationship will impact what you
want and need from the relationship. Since change is inevitable,
welcoming it as an opportunity to enhance the relationship is
more fruitful than trying to keep it from happening.
Check in Periodically.Occasionally set aside time to check in with
each other on changing expectations and goals. If a couple
ignores difficult topics for too long, their relationship is likely to
drift into rocky waters without their noticing.

WHAT TO DO WHEN CONFLICT ARISES:
Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if
constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship. It is
inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright
anger between you and your partner. The source of these
problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands,
unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one
partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts requires
honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective
even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
Healthy communication is critical, especially when there are
important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family
to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful
communication and conflict resolution.
*.Understand Each Others' Family Patterns.Find out how
conflicts were managed (or not managed) in your partner's
family, and talk about how conflict was approached (or avoided)
in your own family. It is not unusual for couples to discover that
their families had different ways of expressing anger and
resolving differences. If your family wasn't good at
communicating or resolving conflict constructively,give yourself
permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
*.Timing Counts.Contraryto previous notions, the best time to
resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for
one or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-
out' period can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in
the heat of the moment, and can help partners more clearly
identify what changes are most important. Remember - if you
are angry with your partner but don't know what you want yet,
it will be nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
*.Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support.Emotional
support involves accepting your partner's differences and not
insisting that he or she meet your needs only in the precise way
that you want them met. Find out how your partner shows his
or her love for you, and don't set absolute criteria that require
your partner to always behave differently before you're
satisfied.
*.Agree to Disagree and Move On.Most couples will encounter
some issues upon which they will never completely agree.
Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to
disagree and negotiate a compromise or find a way to work
around the issue.
*.Distinguish between things you want versus things you need
from your partner.For example, for safety reasons, you might
need your partner to remember to pick you up on time after
dark. But calling you several times a day may really only be a
"want."
*.Clarify Your Messages.A clear message involves a respectful
but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time
to identify what you really want before talking to your partner.
Work on being able to describe your request in clear, observable
terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my
hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more
affectionate."
*.Discuss One Thing at a Time.It can be tempting to list your
concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an
argument. Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one
concern at a time.
*.Really Listen.Being a good listener requires the following: (a)
don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather
than on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what
you heard your partner say. You might start this process with: "I
think you are saying..." Or "what I understood you to say was..."
This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that might
otherwise develop into a fight.
*.Restrain Yourself.Research has found that couples who "edit"
themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be
thinking are typically the happiest.
*.Adopt a "Win-Win" Position.A "win-win" stance means that
your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either partner,
to "win" in a conflict situation. Ask yourself: "Is what I am about
to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the odds that we'll
work this problem out?