17 Things Happy People Say Every Day
There's an easy-to-articulate, hard-to-implement
best practice when it comes to how to teach
yourself to be happy. It stems from the recognition
that the positive things you do for other people
often reverberate back to create positivity in your
own life.
In effect, doing little things to make other people
happy can greatly improve your happiness.
Make sense? There are two theories at work. The
first is that focusing on others creates joy of its
own accord. The second is that as you succeed in
improving others' happiness, you'll wind up with
happier, more grateful people around you. They'll
find you likable and charismatic, which in turn can
lead them to treat you in a manner that produces
even more happiness.
It's easier said than done, but fortunately, there's a
compelling shortcut. Your words are among your
greatest tools, so you can have an outsize effect on
others simply by thinking about what you say
every day and making an effort to be both positive
and sincere.
There are certain inspiring things that truly happy
people find themselves saying to others all the
time. Try making an effort to say a few of these
every day for a week. You'll be amazed at how the
positivity you create improves your happiness.
1. "I'm happy to see you."
This is the most basic and attractive sentiment you
can express to another human being — that simply
being in the person's presence creates a positive
feeling. Whether you're telling an employee that
you need his skills, that you value his opinions, or
just that you think he's good company, you've
begun an interaction on a very high note. How can
that not produce some level of happiness in the
other person?
2. "I'm always happy to see you."
Take the previous remark a step further. This is the
opposite of most relationship advice — that you
should never take a specific negative action and
suggest that it's indicative of someone's entire way
of acting. Well, turn that on its head, by expressing
that it's not just this interaction that has produced
positive feelings but basically all interactions with
this person. It's an amazingly gratifying thing to
hear.
3. "Remember when you..."
Surprise someone by bringing up a positive thing
that she did in the past, and you're almost
guaranteed to induce a positive response. Maybe
it's a joke the person told that you're still laughing
about; maybe it's a small act of heroism she
performed. Regardless, if it's something she
thought was long forgotten, learning that
something she did made a positive, lasting
impression on someone else is an amazing
experience.
4. "You might not realize this,
but..."
This an even more potent version of the previous
suggestion, provided you finish the sentence with
a description of how the person's actions led to a
positive outcome. It's one thing to learn that other
people recognize the favorable things you've done;
it's another thing entirely to learn that you're
having a positive effect on other people without
even realizing it.
5. "You really impress me."
This is similar to "I'm happy to see you" and "I'm
always happy to see you," except that it focuses on
things that the person does, rather than his or her
existential being. Other variations include "You are
really great at..." or "People love that you..."
Simply be sincere and specific. "You're really great
at calming stressful situations" or "People love that
you always have the best music." It can be
anything, as long as it's authentic and truly
positive, and it's guaranteed to elicit positive
reactions.
6. "You really impressed
me when..."
Focusing on specific actions or events can be even
more powerful. It means that you're not only
thinking abstractly but offering proof that things
the other person does provoke positive reactions.
It's the difference between saying that a comedian
was really funny and quoting one of his or her best
jokes. (Other versions: "You handled that well
when you turned that client's objection into an
opportunity" or "It was really cool to see how you
parallel-parked that car into that tiny spot.")
7. "I believe in you."
People have self-doubts. You do, I do, we all do.
(Heck, every time I write a column here — and
this is number 167, by the way — I wonder how
people will react.) When others simply say they
believe in you, however, it becomes easier to
believe in yourself.
Here's an analogy. Have you ever gotten into
lifting weights, or simply watched people do it? It's
amazing how the slightest bit of assistance from a
spotter — with force equal to the weight of a
pencil — can help someone lift far more weight
than he could on his own. It's the same concept
here — just that small expression of confidence
can push people to achieve more — and then to be
thankful for the help.
8. "Look how far you've come!"
It is so important to celebrate achievements. This
doesn't mean you have to throw a party, but even
acknowledging that someone's efforts have
achieved results can be extremely gratifying for
the person.
Of course, heck, if you want to take things to the
extreme, throw a party. Just be sure that you're the
one buying the first round and singing the loudest.
9. "I know you're capable of
more."
Everyone needs to be pushed at times, especially
when we fall short. If you care about people,
you're going to be called on sometimes to be a bit
of a coach, or maybe to employ a bit of tough
love. Even the most steadfast and confident among
us sometimes need a friend to guide them to a
better way of acting.
The late, great NFL coach Vince Lombardi put this
best: "Leadership is getting someone to do what
they don't want to do, to achieve what they
want to achieve." Nobody does anything great
alone, so be the one standing by to help, and you'll
inspire positivity and gratitude.
10. "I'd like to hear your thoughts
about..."
Everyone likes to think that his or her opinions
matter, and of course they do — sometimes.
However, this kind of invitation to share what
someone thinks can't help making the person feel
just a tiny bit more self-worth, which in turns
creates both happiness and positive feelings
toward you. Just be sure to be sincere; don't just
say this for the sake of saying it. Make sure that
you are truly interested in whatever subject you're
asking about and listen actively.
11. "Tell me more."
This is the best follow-up to the last item. It tells
the other person that you're listening, and that you
find value in what he or she is saying. The actor
and writer Peter Ustinov once said that the greatest
compliment he ever received took place when he
was afraid he had gone on too long in a
conversation with Prime Minister Margaret
Thatcher, only to have her tell him, "Please
continue."
12. "I took your suggestion."
OK, it's almost too easy at this point. Combine
asking someone's opinion and demonstrating that
the person has had impact on your life and you've
provided him with two of the most gratifying,
basic experiences of the human condition.
It doesn't matter really whether you tried a new
restaurant on the other person's advice, followed
his suggestion on how to begin an important
conversation, or started getting up 15 minutes
earlier for a week because he said it was a good
idea. Simply being listened to and having impact
makes people feel better. Bonus points if his
suggestion created a positive result, but you'll get
credit regardless. (Related: "You were right.")
13. "I'm sorry."
Say this when you mean it — when you've done
something worth expressing regret for or the other
person deserves sympathy. However, don't water it
down by using it when you don't mean it. In fact,
one writer made a compelling argument recently
that the phrase is so overused that it ought to be
retired. That would be a shame, but it underscores
how people appreciate this phrase when it's
sincere, and how it annoys them when it isn't.
14. "I'd like to be more like you."
Now you've got it — you're expressing positivity
toward other people almost naturally, pointing out
not only things that they do well but maybe even
things they do better than you do.
If you want to see a sentiment similar to this work
very effectively, watch the 1997 movie As Good
As It Gets. Or else, just read this short bit of
dialogue in which Jack Nicholson's character
offers Helen Hunt's character the ultimate
compliment: " You make me want to be a better
man."
15. "Thank you."
It's not that much of a stretch to suggest that every
other item on this list is in fact a form of "thank
you." This is truly one of the most powerful,
underrated phrases in the English language. It
packs a heck of a punch, encompassing positivity
and impact in two little syllables. (By the way,
thanks for reading this far into this column. Maybe
if you share it with others, they'll thank you, too.)
16. "You're welcome."
Not "yep." Not "no problem" or "no worries." Say
"You're welcome."
Instead of deflecting another person's thanks, as
some of these other phrases do, saying "you're
welcome" dignifies the person's gratitude. It
acknowledges that yes, you did do something
worthy, or nice, or positive for someone —
because you believe that she's worth it.
17. "No."
There's one small risk in this entire mode of
expression, and this word is your fail-safe. The
danger is that sometimes people who make other
people's happiness their priority can wind up doing
so at the cost of their own happiness. We all know
some people who take advantage, or who simply
aren't going to be happy no matter what your
efforts amount to.
Two little letters, and yet they can be so powerful.
Most important, they demonstrate that you care for
yourself, which is a key prerequisite to caring truly
for other people. Carry this one in your back
pocket; use it when necessary. You'll find that the
most positive and happy people you interact with
respect you for doing so — and that can make you
happy, too.
This article originally appeared at Incs
best practice when it comes to how to teach
yourself to be happy. It stems from the recognition
that the positive things you do for other people
often reverberate back to create positivity in your
own life.
In effect, doing little things to make other people
happy can greatly improve your happiness.
Make sense? There are two theories at work. The
first is that focusing on others creates joy of its
own accord. The second is that as you succeed in
improving others' happiness, you'll wind up with
happier, more grateful people around you. They'll
find you likable and charismatic, which in turn can
lead them to treat you in a manner that produces
even more happiness.
It's easier said than done, but fortunately, there's a
compelling shortcut. Your words are among your
greatest tools, so you can have an outsize effect on
others simply by thinking about what you say
every day and making an effort to be both positive
and sincere.
There are certain inspiring things that truly happy
people find themselves saying to others all the
time. Try making an effort to say a few of these
every day for a week. You'll be amazed at how the
positivity you create improves your happiness.
1. "I'm happy to see you."
This is the most basic and attractive sentiment you
can express to another human being — that simply
being in the person's presence creates a positive
feeling. Whether you're telling an employee that
you need his skills, that you value his opinions, or
just that you think he's good company, you've
begun an interaction on a very high note. How can
that not produce some level of happiness in the
other person?
2. "I'm always happy to see you."
Take the previous remark a step further. This is the
opposite of most relationship advice — that you
should never take a specific negative action and
suggest that it's indicative of someone's entire way
of acting. Well, turn that on its head, by expressing
that it's not just this interaction that has produced
positive feelings but basically all interactions with
this person. It's an amazingly gratifying thing to
hear.
3. "Remember when you..."
Surprise someone by bringing up a positive thing
that she did in the past, and you're almost
guaranteed to induce a positive response. Maybe
it's a joke the person told that you're still laughing
about; maybe it's a small act of heroism she
performed. Regardless, if it's something she
thought was long forgotten, learning that
something she did made a positive, lasting
impression on someone else is an amazing
experience.
4. "You might not realize this,
but..."
This an even more potent version of the previous
suggestion, provided you finish the sentence with
a description of how the person's actions led to a
positive outcome. It's one thing to learn that other
people recognize the favorable things you've done;
it's another thing entirely to learn that you're
having a positive effect on other people without
even realizing it.
5. "You really impress me."
This is similar to "I'm happy to see you" and "I'm
always happy to see you," except that it focuses on
things that the person does, rather than his or her
existential being. Other variations include "You are
really great at..." or "People love that you..."
Simply be sincere and specific. "You're really great
at calming stressful situations" or "People love that
you always have the best music." It can be
anything, as long as it's authentic and truly
positive, and it's guaranteed to elicit positive
reactions.
6. "You really impressed
me when..."
Focusing on specific actions or events can be even
more powerful. It means that you're not only
thinking abstractly but offering proof that things
the other person does provoke positive reactions.
It's the difference between saying that a comedian
was really funny and quoting one of his or her best
jokes. (Other versions: "You handled that well
when you turned that client's objection into an
opportunity" or "It was really cool to see how you
parallel-parked that car into that tiny spot.")
7. "I believe in you."
People have self-doubts. You do, I do, we all do.
(Heck, every time I write a column here — and
this is number 167, by the way — I wonder how
people will react.) When others simply say they
believe in you, however, it becomes easier to
believe in yourself.
Here's an analogy. Have you ever gotten into
lifting weights, or simply watched people do it? It's
amazing how the slightest bit of assistance from a
spotter — with force equal to the weight of a
pencil — can help someone lift far more weight
than he could on his own. It's the same concept
here — just that small expression of confidence
can push people to achieve more — and then to be
thankful for the help.
8. "Look how far you've come!"
It is so important to celebrate achievements. This
doesn't mean you have to throw a party, but even
acknowledging that someone's efforts have
achieved results can be extremely gratifying for
the person.
Of course, heck, if you want to take things to the
extreme, throw a party. Just be sure that you're the
one buying the first round and singing the loudest.
9. "I know you're capable of
more."
Everyone needs to be pushed at times, especially
when we fall short. If you care about people,
you're going to be called on sometimes to be a bit
of a coach, or maybe to employ a bit of tough
love. Even the most steadfast and confident among
us sometimes need a friend to guide them to a
better way of acting.
The late, great NFL coach Vince Lombardi put this
best: "Leadership is getting someone to do what
they don't want to do, to achieve what they
want to achieve." Nobody does anything great
alone, so be the one standing by to help, and you'll
inspire positivity and gratitude.
10. "I'd like to hear your thoughts
about..."
Everyone likes to think that his or her opinions
matter, and of course they do — sometimes.
However, this kind of invitation to share what
someone thinks can't help making the person feel
just a tiny bit more self-worth, which in turns
creates both happiness and positive feelings
toward you. Just be sure to be sincere; don't just
say this for the sake of saying it. Make sure that
you are truly interested in whatever subject you're
asking about and listen actively.
11. "Tell me more."
This is the best follow-up to the last item. It tells
the other person that you're listening, and that you
find value in what he or she is saying. The actor
and writer Peter Ustinov once said that the greatest
compliment he ever received took place when he
was afraid he had gone on too long in a
conversation with Prime Minister Margaret
Thatcher, only to have her tell him, "Please
continue."
12. "I took your suggestion."
OK, it's almost too easy at this point. Combine
asking someone's opinion and demonstrating that
the person has had impact on your life and you've
provided him with two of the most gratifying,
basic experiences of the human condition.
It doesn't matter really whether you tried a new
restaurant on the other person's advice, followed
his suggestion on how to begin an important
conversation, or started getting up 15 minutes
earlier for a week because he said it was a good
idea. Simply being listened to and having impact
makes people feel better. Bonus points if his
suggestion created a positive result, but you'll get
credit regardless. (Related: "You were right.")
13. "I'm sorry."
Say this when you mean it — when you've done
something worth expressing regret for or the other
person deserves sympathy. However, don't water it
down by using it when you don't mean it. In fact,
one writer made a compelling argument recently
that the phrase is so overused that it ought to be
retired. That would be a shame, but it underscores
how people appreciate this phrase when it's
sincere, and how it annoys them when it isn't.
14. "I'd like to be more like you."
Now you've got it — you're expressing positivity
toward other people almost naturally, pointing out
not only things that they do well but maybe even
things they do better than you do.
If you want to see a sentiment similar to this work
very effectively, watch the 1997 movie As Good
As It Gets. Or else, just read this short bit of
dialogue in which Jack Nicholson's character
offers Helen Hunt's character the ultimate
compliment: " You make me want to be a better
man."
15. "Thank you."
It's not that much of a stretch to suggest that every
other item on this list is in fact a form of "thank
you." This is truly one of the most powerful,
underrated phrases in the English language. It
packs a heck of a punch, encompassing positivity
and impact in two little syllables. (By the way,
thanks for reading this far into this column. Maybe
if you share it with others, they'll thank you, too.)
16. "You're welcome."
Not "yep." Not "no problem" or "no worries." Say
"You're welcome."
Instead of deflecting another person's thanks, as
some of these other phrases do, saying "you're
welcome" dignifies the person's gratitude. It
acknowledges that yes, you did do something
worthy, or nice, or positive for someone —
because you believe that she's worth it.
17. "No."
There's one small risk in this entire mode of
expression, and this word is your fail-safe. The
danger is that sometimes people who make other
people's happiness their priority can wind up doing
so at the cost of their own happiness. We all know
some people who take advantage, or who simply
aren't going to be happy no matter what your
efforts amount to.
Two little letters, and yet they can be so powerful.
Most important, they demonstrate that you care for
yourself, which is a key prerequisite to caring truly
for other people. Carry this one in your back
pocket; use it when necessary. You'll find that the
most positive and happy people you interact with
respect you for doing so — and that can make you
happy, too.
This article originally appeared at Incs
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