How to love more consciousely

We all know what love is; or, at least,
we all have our own perceptions of love.
I don’t know which are right or which
are wrong, but I know that mine are
always changing. Just as I am learning
about life, I am learning about love – I
do not profess to always get it right, in
fact, I regularly get it wrong. Getting
things wrong is sometimes necessary if
growth is to take place.
‘Only those who are asleep make no
mistakes.’
- Ingvar Kamprad

So what traits do I think are conducive
to conscious loving? We know when we
love someone, but how should we love
them? Of course, we could love blindly,
trust it to lead us, but I choose to live
purposefully and in order to do that I
try to consider my actions with
mindfulness and consider how I can best
deepen and apply my love.

Acceptance
To love someone is to accept them.
There are no terms or conditions.
Remember, we chose that person and
we did not choose them on the condition
that they become something else. This is
not to say that if your loved one
changes in a manner that you see
unacceptable then you must accept that
change if you truly love them. If that
was the case, it is perfectly reasonable
that you withdraw your love for they
have changed from that which you loved.
What I am saying is that when you love
someone, you love everything that they
are, and by love, I mean accept.
Therefore it would be unreasonable to
encourage them to change in any manner
in order to keep your love. I do not
return from the store after purchasing
an item and then will it to turn into
something else.

Forgiveness
We all make mistakes, more often than
we would like. Sometimes those
mistakes hurt the people we love. This is
a fact of life. We might be aware we
are making a mistake or we may have
only good intentions at heart and be
entirely blind to our mistake – both are
natural. In life, we take risks and
sometimes it goes wrong. Other times
we simply fail to see the bigger picture
and are only aware of our mistakes
when it’s too late. Either way, if we are
to love someone, we must develop the
capacity to forgive – to forgive their
shortcomings and our own. I feel the
need to stress at this point that
although forgiveness is a virtue that will
thoroughly enrich our ability to love, we
must not lose sight of our values.
Sometimes people cross the lines.
Mistakes turn from just that, to
intended malice. If you feel you are
sacrificing your core values to continue
to love this person and you know your
values are reasonable, it’s time to get
out.

Abundance
Love abundantly. Love with no thought
to reciprocity. We do not love in order
to be loved, we love for the act of
loving alone.
Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
You owe Me.
Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.
- Hafiz

Give your love in any way you can, as
often as you can. Although we may
receive love in return, this should not be
our motivation or a condition of our
love. Our love is unconditional.

Endurance
Endure. Not the person you love, but
the hard times that you will face and
face them you will. Life can be painful
and hard and when you’re in a
relationship, that makes two lives that
can be painful and hard. Sometimes it
might feel like you haven’t seen
happiness in a long time. Things may be
hard for you and then just as you reach
the end, things are hard for your
partner and the two of you must endure
both of these alone and together. It
can take its toll. You must endure. Draw
strength from your partner and your
love; that, after all, is what it is there
for – support one another.

Trust
We know the importance of trusting
your partner in maintaining a successful
relationship, so I will not explore it
right now. Instead I refer to trust in
the relationship itself. As mentioned
above; you will both endure difficult
times. The difficulty of these times is a
hundred fold if you cannot trust in the
strength and security of your
relationship. If you cannot trust that
your relationship will survive the
hardships you face then you live in
constant fear; a fear that one wrong
move will cause the collapse of your
relationship. This is an unbearable and
unfair kind of stress. Love is a
foundation upon which you build your
life. If the foundations are weak, it
affects your whole life. If you fear it
could all come tumbling down at any
moment, you may not invest yourself in
ways that you would if you had more
trust in the relationship. Do right by
your partner and regularly reassure
them that they can trust in your love.
I hope this post helped you to explore
how you love and how you are loved. It
is, at least, worth a little of our
consideration.
Thanks...